Which part did you like best?

Many years ago I was lucky to meet Benjamin Tonna at a management program in Malta. He was a priest but also a great management thinker. He gave a fantastic speech in the grotto in Rabat where St. Paul is said to have taken refuge after his shipwreck on Malta. His speech was about spirituality and management, but what happened after the speech is what made the biggest impact on me.
I wanted to give him some feedback, so I walked over to him afterwards and said: “That was a wonderful speech”. He grabbed my hand, smiled, looked me in the eyes and said: “Thank you”. It could have stopped there, but then he added: “Which part did you like best?” I was not prepared for this, but I reflected quickly and shared some of the parts that I remembered being the best. It could have stopped there, but he still looked at me and asked one more important question: “Why was that part so important to you?” The conversation then moved into a “on the spot” coaching session.
What a great lesson in leadership! Not through big words, but through action and role modelling.
He demonstrated true caring and empathy, but also genuine interest in his own performance and how it impacts others. He taught me how to use feedback in a constructive way to make it more precise and as a learning opportunity. He also demonstrated how a situation can be used for coaching. We were there on a management program, so it was appropriate. He used the opportunity to turn a potential polite exchange of words into a situation of great interaction and learning. The question “Which part did you like best” turns the general feedback into precision, but the even more powerful follow up question “Why was that so important to you” allows deeper reflections and learning into values and motivational foundations for what we do and react to.
Our everyday dealings give us these opportunities all the time. Grab them!

Benjamin Tonna died in 2001. He graduated with a degree in sociology from Louvain University. He served as parish priest of his native town of Rabat in the Republic of Malta as well as co-director with Brian P. Hall of the Omega Institute of the University of Santa Clara. Thank you, Benjamin and also Brian for making it possible to meet him!